A Confession

Ok, here’s the thing about yours truly.  I have horrid ADD.  I love this blog and I love nude beaches but when it comes time to actually writing about everything…I fail miserably.  The moment has passed, and writing about it only makes me miss it.

NO, I’m not giving up on you all.  I still have More Mesa and the complete travesty that was Pirate’s Cove to write about.  I’m just letting you know why this blog is so shitty.

As it happens, I’m working on something that I’ve been inspired by…I hope you’ll love it.  Wait a couple months….

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Bottle #20: Black’s Beach, La Jolla, California

Name Drop Alert: On Sunday I went to brunch with my mom at the St. Regis in Orange County (somewhere).  The maitre de tried to sit us at a table I didn’t like so I requested one I did.  Kudos for him for doing it without making too much of a fuss.  It was only after removing the “Reserved” sign that I figured out it was meant for someone else…that someone being Magic Johnson and family.  So not only did I steal his table but I got to stuff my face with bespoke pancakes (mine had nuts and sprinkles) 6 feet away from him the whole time.

Back to the beach….

I was very much looking forward to Black’s Beach as it is not only legally clothing optional but it’s one of the most well known nude beaches in the country.  It even has its own page.  The directions in the Nude Beach Biblewere a little sparse, so I did my own digging and found this one.  For the most part it’s right on…up to the actual trail portion.  From what I saw, once you park…all roads lead to Black’s. 

You guys have every right to hate me, because once again I failed to take photos.  But you will love me for this one little bit of info: go to the bathroom before you go.  In fact, don’t go ANYWHERE NEAR the port-o-potties they have set up.  I won’t even describe what I saw…I trust that alone will explain things. 

Anywhoo, this hike down to the beach was far less alarming than that of San Onofre. There were actual steps, and the fact that I followed a toddler down should alieve any worry you may have about it.  That said, it isn’t by any means short at all. You will still get the vertigo thing happening if you dare to look beyond the steps in front of you, so tread carefully.

Once I was down on the beach, it was hard to figure out where the “nude section” was because there was such a broad mix of clothed and non clothed people.  If I had to guess I’d say 60/50 in favor of nudists.  Not wanting to be too much in the spotlight I turned right and walked about 50-100 yards and set up camp in an empty space.  This being Labor Day, there were few and far between.  Yes, it was damn crowded!  

As it turns out I picked the perfect spot because I was right below the hang glide base.  My favorite thing about this beach, and one that will keep me coming back despite easily being an hour past San Onofre and having no bathrooms at all, is that I got to lie back and watch the colorful hang gliders go by.  Most beaches, period, are rather dull, even when you have a variety of naked bodies to ogle.  But mix lovely weather, a great playlist on your ipod, a delicious gala apple, and the lazy prettiness of watching colorful parachutes glide in the sky and you have yourself a winner of a beach.  Of course this was Labor day so there were probably more nude bodies and hang gliders than usual, but it’s worth a go anyway.

I wasn’t approached by anyone, but I did manage to attract a nice little circle of men around me.  That was fine as they were all nude.  More men should really get up the nerve to talk to women, if only to say hi.  It gets boring sitting alone.  Of course one pulled out his cell phone so I glared at him and gave him my ass.  Again, come on guys!

The water here is fine, chilly like all water along the California coast.  Beware! The fact that the bathroom facilities are not only lacking, but a long hike up gives people only one other option.  Don’t hate!  When you gotta go, you gotta go, and it’s a big ocean.  Don’t worry…mine was only first class and I was well away from anyone else.  Can’t speak for others though, and there are a lot of people, so don’t be surprised to find a floater or two.  The sand is fine and free of rocks, sticks, and other things that might hurt your soles.  It gets really hot though so be careful. 

There are the same oglers you’d find at any “optional” beach, they just blend in better here because there is so much to look at.  There are also children, which is rare for the states.  None were nude of course (heaven forbid we lose that good old American puritanical spirit) but they happily played and frolicked with their perfectly nude parents.  That was refreshing. 

By mid afternoon I needed to call it a day.  I was nicely tan, out of apples, hot, sandy, and more importantly wanted to miss the I-5 traffic, which is a total bitch; Everyone loves California…sigh.  The hike back up the stairs was a pain in the butt…and thighs.  It’s long and if you are in the same shape as me (note: I do interval training 3 times a week and lift weights), you’ll need breaks.  Why do all the US nude beaches involved mountain climbing?

Black’s Beach pros:

• Hang gliders to watch
• Lots of people, including kids
• Legal
• Good sand

Black’s Beach Cons

• Bathroom facilities
• Questionable water
• Lots of people, including kids
• Taking I-5 to get there

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Bottles 18 & 19: San Onofre, California

Yes, it has been a while since posting.  But the next few months will be a whirlwind of travel and nude beaches!  Stay tuned.  Apparently some of my anonymity has gone by the wayside…so be it!  Everyone I know knows I love nude beaches and in the spirit of promoting it as a perfectly healthy, innocuous, family friendly activity that has no right being shunned or prohibited feel free to figure out my real name and put a face to the blog.   Blargh!

Anyhoo, this past week I went back home to sunny California.  There were some disappointments and some happy revelations.  Since most of my friends are not all that into nude sun bathing (go figure!) I didn’t get to hang out with many of them.  Also, the best cupcake shop on earth has closed for business (damn you economy!).

But we all know what you came here for, right?  Originally my plan was to go to all the nude beaches along the California Coast.  But when I got there, the joy at being with family and friends, and, frankly, relaxing the way one should while on vacation got the better of me and I decided to make it a half trip instead.

My first stop right after landing was San Onofre in San Diego county.  The entire impetus for this trip was San Onofre, which news reports had mentioned would be going “officially” textile after Labor Day 2009.  Not wanting to have missed out on the fun I decided to join the last hurrah. 

Practical Info: The World’s Best Nude Beaches and Resorts  (a must have for the traveling nudist) has the directions down right.  Take the 5 and exit on San Onofre/Basilone.  Here’s the thing: just keep going.  If you are driving south on the 5, turn right and go, go, go until you hit the park entrance.  I made the mistake of turning oon one of the side streets because, HELLO!, no signs.  Don’t do that.  Just go straight for a (long) while and you’ll get there.  Then once in the park drive, drive, drive until you hit the very last parking lot.  Trail 6 down to the beach will be there.

The funny thing is, there are at least two signs at the front entrance “strictly prohibiting” nudity.  Of course once I actually made it down to the beach there had to be at least 200 naked people in the “nude section,” the south part of the beach..ha, ha, ha.  Of course, after Labor Day, who knows…but a regular told me they always threaten to start ticketing and nudists still keep coming as usual.  As of September 2009 the entry fee was $15.  This seems to be a recent price hike since the guy after me was bitching about it.  I guess they need to fund the anti-nudity Gestapo that will be going around ticketing people for showing off what Mother Nature gave us.  Sigh!

As stated, trail 6 is the one you want to take down to the beach, as it’s the nearest trail to the nude section.   There are two ways to get down to the beach: the long road, which takes longer or the short cut which may very well break your neck.  You’ll see the shortcut well enough, mostly because veterans will be hiking down it carrying everything from surfboards to coolers, the same way high wire acts manage to juggle balls while walking the tightrope.  But seriously, if you get vertigo, have a fear of heights, have a fear of falling, have on flimsy shoes, or just generally value the one-piecedness of your bones and body…do yourself a favor and take the long road.  Yes it will add 20 minutes to your total walk, but you’ll be happy about it later.  I made the mistake of taking the shortcut only to find out too late that it was not at all safety-friendly and ended up scooting down on my ass much to the amusement of fellow beach goers. Once down on the beach, turn left and (hopefully, if the protests don’t fall on deaf ears) you’ll see plenty of happy nudists enjoying the beach.  There is a goodish mix…all adults.  Mostly men, but enough women to balance it out. The usual dense crowd of gay men, seconded only by solo men (who may or may not be gay).  A fair number of hetero couples and female groups as well.  As usual, I was the only single female I saw.

The south part of the beach pretty much goes on nude forever…even into the military section beyond the flimsy chain link fence.  I’m not advocating going past the fence (or violating the “law” by going nude after Labor Day), but you should know that there are several gaps in it, and plenty of nude sun bathers beyond it.  Your choice!

I found myself a pretty little spot away from the cliques (I hate nudist cliques) but near enough to be noticed (any nudists who says they don’t have at least some exhibitionism in them are lying).  I stripped and laid back to enjoy the sun.  Around the same time I realized I’d ignored the number 1 rule of nude sun bathing. BRING WATER! (seriously!), an Italian gentleman walked by and introduced himself.  He had a bottle of water so I happily welcomed his company.  I agreed to move over to his umbrella on the promise that I could have some of his water, which turned out to be warm but I didn’t care.  It pays to be a female nudist :).

The beach itself is nice enough…especially since SoCal weather is rarely a disappointment.  According to my friend the rocks that were piled on the sand were a recent event.  I loved the look of them so grabbed some to have their own bottle in my collection. There are also a lot of sticks and things in the sand, making it not so nice to walk on barefoot. But when you get to the water you notice a lot of gold flecks in the sand.  Not enough to go panning or anything, but enough to make it a spectacular change from the average beach!

Unfortunately I forgot to snap my usual photos.  I should have at least taken one of the trail so you would see I’m not some big sissy, but I was too busy trying to keep my neck from breaking! And on the beach, well, decorum dictates that cameras are a no-no.  That didn’t stop the Italian and I from snapping each other.  Thankfully it was all my camera because he came out looking like some Adonis (seriously…Italians are all blessed, if you know what I mean) while I came out looking like a beached whale…a tan beached whale, but a whale all the same.  Sigh!  Naturally those photos have been deleted thank you very much. The good news is, nudists are so forgiving of flaws! 

The rest of the day is a blur….meaning none of your damn business.  Then I headed home to spend time with mom.

San Onofre Pros:

• Large nudist population, at least pre-ban
• Lovely California weather
• Gold flakes in the sand near water, worth that alone
• Public restrooms (before the hike down to the water though)

San Onofre Cons:

• Fee to enter park
• Legality of nudism an issue
• Long hike down to the beach
• Sand full of rocks and sticks

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6 Problems with Nude Beaches

1. Legality:I goodish number of “nude” beaches are not technically legally nude.  I’d say half the beaches I’ve been to have been that way.  Usually it’s tradition or remoteness that causes a beach to become nude.  If nudists have been going to a beach for years and years with no problem, many law enforcement personnel will look the other way…until some busybody starts complaining.  On the other hand, sometimes you have a case where the beach is so remote that any prude who happens by  would be unlikely to find any law enforcement located conveniently close by to bitch to.   But these things do happen, and it always makes nude sunbathing a daring proposition.

2. Public Facilities. So often nude beaches are located so far off the beaten path, it makes no sense for the government or who ever owns the land to provide places to practice basic hygiene.   This usually means either hiking it back to civilization, or going the way of the cave man and doing your business in the bushes or water. 

3. Vending.  On popular beaches you can easily find at the very least carts to buy hot dogs, cotton candy, over-priced soda, and stores selling beach stuff like towels, flip flops, etc.   On nude beaches you are usually left to fend for yourself.  I have to attribute this to remote locations or the low volume of customers.  In my opinion, someone could make a killing at a place like Hippie Hollow in Austin.  Of course the Europeans get it right….there was a full blown restaurant and bar on Zandvoort in the Netherlands.  Oh Europe, why must you always show us up?

4. Oglers.  Oglers are always a problem at nude beaches.  Ok, mostly in America so far as I’ve seen.  Yes there was a bit going on in Bredene, Belgium while I was there…but I think that may have been 1) I was the lone person (female) there and 2) I was black (?).   In the US I’ve fond the oglers fall into one of two groups (and yes, this is going to be perfectly racist/sexist…but true!): fully clothed Latino males and white males in swimsuits.  I’m not sure what the deal is with Latino men, but 100% of the time, without fail, this is the case.   Frankly, it’s disappointing. Of course there are other male nudists who ogle, but they don’t count….unless they pull out the cell phone.  Come on guys, you think we don’t know what you’re doing???

5. Difficulty of Access.  This is a big one for me, because of my unfortunate accident.  Usually you have to hike a long, and often difficult trail to get to a nude beach. At Hippie Hollow it’s the boulders you have to hike down.  In Puerto Rico it was a trail full of spiky bushes.  In California it was always a steep vertigo-inducing cliff.  At the very least you will have to hike to the tail end of a public textile beach.  This is pretty much a given for any nude beach I’ve ever been too…and probably will be the case when I’ve visited them all.  If you know any different let me know and that will be the next place on my list!

6. Sexuality:I’m no prude and I have no problem with people, nude or non-nude, who want to make out on the beach.  The only implication is,  it’s then assumed that you yourself will dabble with anyone who comes along.  Yes, you’ll find a lot of swingers at nude beaches.  Yes, you’ll find a lot of hanky panky going on in the bushes.  No, not every single female, or couple you see is interested in a threesome, wife swapping, public shagging, or going home to “take things further” with you.  It’s ok to ask…but just because you share your beer with me doesn’t mean I have to go home with you.

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